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Witz!
Jiriki
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# 23.01.2008 - 15:35:10
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Was sagt eine Frau, wenn sie zum ersten mal in einem Auto sitzt?
"Toll, drei Spiegel!"
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"W?rdest du dir Schuhe kaufen, wenn du keine F??e hattest?"
"Nein!"
"Warum kaufst du dir dann einen BH?"
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Was zeigt man einer Frau, die 10 Jahre lang unfallfrei gefahren ist?
Den 2. Gang!
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Warum gibt es mehr Frauen als M?nner?
Weil es mehr zu putzen gibt, als zu denken.
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Was denkt sich eine Frau nach 20 Ehejahren, wenn sie in der Fr?h in den Spiegel schaut?
"Ha! Das g?nn ich ihm!"
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Was haben ein Computer und eine Frau gemeinsam?
H?tte man noch ein halbes Jahr gewartet, gabe es was Besseres
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Zwei Schweine und eine Frau in einem Raumschiff.
"NASA an Schwein eins: Antenne ausfahren!"
"Schwein eins an NASA: Antenne ausgefahren."
"NASA an Schwein zwei. Triebwerke starten!"
"Schwein zwei an NASA: Triebwerke gestartet."
"NASA an Frau:..."
"Frau an NASA: Ich wei? schon, Schweine f?ttern und blo? nichts anfassen!"
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Ein Kannibalenp?rchen im Kreissaal. Sie steht kurz vor der Geburt.
Fragt der Arzt: "Zum Mitnehmen oder Hier essen!"
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Essen zwei Kannibalen einen Clown.
Sagt der eine zum anderen:"Schmeckt irgendwie komisch!"
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Woran erkennt man eine pal?stinensische Sekret?rin ?
Sie schafft 200 Anschl?ge pro Minute !
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Nach dem Sex im Bett:
Frau: "Woran denkst du?"
Mann: "Kennst du nicht!"
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Osama Bin Laden ruft bei Bush an: "Ich habe eine gute und eine schlechte Nachricht.
Die gute: Ich ergebe mich. Die schlechte: Ich komme mit dem n?chsten Flieger!"
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Der Ehemann findet seine Frau mit dem Arzt im Bett. Der Arzt versucht zu erkl?ren: "Ich wollte nur das Fieber messen!"
Der Mann holt seelenruhig sein Gewehr aus dem Schrank und meint: "Jetzt ziehen Sie ihn ganz langsam raus, und wenn keine Zahlen draufstehen,dann gnade Ihnen Gott!"
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Nachdem der liebe Gott Mann und Frau erschaffen hatte betrachtete er sein Werk.
Zuerst fiel sein Blick auf den Mann und er sagte: "Also ich muss mich selbst loben. Diese wunderbare Form des K?rpers, die wohlgelungenen Proportionen, die vollendete Asthetik - ein perfektes Werk !"
Danach sah er die Frau an und meinte achselzuckend: "Na gut, Du musst Dich halt schminken..."
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Ein Mann m?chte seine Frau umbringen. Er geht zur Apotheke und verlangt Zyankali. Der Apotheker mustert ihn streng und meint: "Sie wissen aber schon, dass ich Ihnen das so ohne Weiteres nicht geben darf?"
Der Mann ?ffnet seinen Geldbeutel, holt ein Foto seiner Gattin heraus und legt es auf die Theke.
Der Apotheker wirft einen Blick darauf und meint: Entschuldigung, ich wu?te nicht, dass Sie ein Rezept dabei haben."
---------------------------------------------------------------
Liegt ein Penner im Winter unter 'ner Br?cke und friert.
Da erscheint ihm eine gute Fee und sagt: "Du hast einen Wunsch frei!"
Der Penner sagt schlotternd: "Ach, eigentlich w?nsche ich mir nur ein warmes Pl?tzchen."
Es blitzt, und die Fee h?lt dem Penner einen dampfenden Keks vor die Nase.
---------------------------------------------------------------
In Texas wird die Leiche eines Farbigen gefunden - mit 57 Einschussl?chern.
Meint der Scheriff: "Mein Gott, das ist der schlimmste Selbstmord, den ich je gesehen habe!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Kommt ein Mann in eine Metzgerei und sagt:
"Ich h?tte gerne 200 Gramm Leberwurst, und zwar von der fetten, groben!"
Sagt die Verk?uferin: "Tut mir leid, die hat heute Berufsschule!"
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Ein betrunkener Mann steht in der Strassenbahn und beschimpft die Fahrg?ste zu seiner Linken! "Lauter Idioten, lauter Idioten!"
Die Leute zu seiner Rechten br?llt er an: "Lauter Ehebrecher, lauter Ehebrecher!"
Pl?tzlich springt ein Mann auf schreit ihn an: "Was f?llt ihnen ein?
Ich bin seit 20 Jahren verheiratet und habe meine Frau noch nie betrogen!"
Darauf fuchtelt der Betrunkene mit seinen Armen und erwidert lallend:
"Dann setz Dich r?ber zu den Idioten!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ein Fernfahrer geht in ein Bordell und sagt zur Chefin: "Ich m?chte die h?sslichste Frau f?r eine Nacht, kalten Hackbraten und drei Dosen Bier.
Ich zahle 300,00 EURO."
"F?r das Geld kriegen sie mein sch?nstes M?dchen," sagt die Puffmutter.
"Damit wir uns nicht missverstehen: ich bin nicht geil - ich habe Heimweh."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Der alte Professor begann jede Vorlesung mit einem vulg?ren Witz. Nach einem wirklich anst??igen Exemplar einigten sich die Studentinnen, geschlossen den H?rsaal zu verlassen, wenn er wieder so was erz?hlen w?rde.
Allerdings bekam der Professor Wind von der Sache. Am n?chsten Morgen kam er in den H?rsaal und sagte:
"Guten Morgen! Haben Sie schon von dem gro?en Mangel an Huren in Indien geh?rt?"
Jetzt standen alle weiblichen Studenten auf und wollten hinausgehen.
"Warten Sie, meine Damen" rief der Professor,"das Schiff nach Indien geht erst morgen
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# 23.11.2017 - 10:13:43
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# 10.07.2018 - 08:30:30
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